It's Christmas day, sure has come quickly

Readers it’s Christmas day I wish you all a wonderful day, thinking back to last Christmas, I was blogging while spending my Christmas at Lowood. I’ve surely had an adventurous year, now I’m spending my first Christmas with a remarkable family; this is truly a delight to my mind and a wonderful warm feeling to my heart. However I’ve tried to consider. St.John likes to be in control, he wants things to be done his way, and I want freedom, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. My senses are only directing me to the very fact, that I and St. John do not love each other as man and woman should. I am only suited to England, He can be suited to India. The feeling of weakness loneliness and disappointment lays in me. How would you feel reader? Unaware, ecstatic, anxious, what would your heart be telling you? would your mind have mutual feelings to your heart?